“As a general thing, when a woman wears the pants in a family, she has a good right to them.”

“There's a lot of people in this world who spend so much time watching their health that they haven't the time to enjoy it.”

“One of the rarest things that a man ever does, is to do the best he can.”

“The best medicine I know for rheumatism is to thank the Lord that it ain't gout.”

“The best way to convince a fool that he is wrong is to let him have his own way.”

“One of the best temporary cures for pride and affectation is seasickness a man who wants to vomit never puts on airs.”

“The best time for you to hold your tongue is the time you feel you must say something or bust.”

“About the most originality that any writer can hope to achieve honestly is to steal with good judgment.”

“A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself.”

“Wisdom has never made a bigot, but learning has.”

“Learning sleeps and snores in libraries, but wisdom is everywhere, wide awake, on tiptoe.”

“Most people repent their sins by thanking God they ain't so wicked as their neighbors.”

“To bring up a child in the way he should go, travel that way yourself once in a while.”